Conversion – Seeking the Truth

Discovering truth is a lifelong process. Growing up a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, or in the mainstream view commonly known as the LDS Church or Mormons, my upbringing instilled in me an inherent desire to be a good person.

My story of “conversion” begins when I was age sixteen. I had read the Book of Mormon cover to cover for the first time, and as encouraged prayed about the truth of its contents. I felt as I prayed, a sense of confirmation of the truths it contains. Of course, being in the Church at this age I certainly knew who Jesus was, and I had also had the opportunity to read the New Testament by this age and had gained an appreciation for Jesus and the New Testament.

Growing up in Utah, you’d think having the same beliefs of many that surround you would come without challenges to those beliefs, and the truths you hold dear. That was not my experience. I felt strongly about what I held to be true, and it often came up in discussions with peers and friends that regularly challenged and contended things that I believe to be true by virtue of academic learning and science. Fortunately, I never felt challenged enough to the point of losing my faith.

 Young Men in the church are expected to serve a two-year mission shortly after finishing High School. My experience during this time found such a heavy emphasis on The Book of Mormon, prior to mission service. While I feel like I knew who Jesus Christ was at the time, he was not the focal point, or emphasis from my leaders in preparation. I felt prepared in the sense that I felt The Book of Mormon was valid.

Shortly before I departed for my mission to “The South” or “Bible Belt” as it is commonly called, I found myself having a conversation with my ward Bishop at the time who had spent his mission in the Bible Belt. He had mentioned how important the bible is, and how much people know the Bible in that region. I still remember him saying “Don’t worry, you’ll know it better than they do”. While I believe his intent was encouragement, I remember taking it upon me as more of a directive later on, that I needed to study the Bible so I can “know it better”.

 A short time after that had become buried in my subconscious, I found myself in the Missionary Training Center (or MTC) in Provo, Utah. When it was still very early on in my three-week stay there, I had one particular experience I could never forget. I was sitting in one of the classes, and maybe I was paying attention to the instructor – maybe I wasn’t. Perhaps at this time, I am now grateful that I wasn’t fully paying attention to the instructor.  What felt like pure revelation coming to my mind was a directive from God. “You need put all your effort into seeking Truth, wherever you can find it, and go wherever that takes you”. It was a powerful moment, that gave me more motivation than I had ever felt in my life. A directive I had every intention to follow. At that time, the best way I knew how to do that was to immerse myself in the scriptures, read as much as I could, to gain as much knowledge as possible.

 A few months later, I found myself at a time in my mission that to say the least was overwhelmingly stressful due to circumstances that had transpired in the mission a couple weeks prior to that. Compounding that stress, was a mission companion that seemed to constantly berate me. Not only can I say this was easily the most difficult time in my life up to that point, it was also the loneliest time of my life. “Mission Culture” tends to engrain in the missionaries a form of toxic positivity, where  even though you may be having a difficult time, are stressed, lonely, homesick, whatever it may be, you don’t mention it to anyone, you just put a smile on your face, and press forward – after all, this is supposed to be the best two years of your life, right? Because of the toxic positivity, you do not feel empowered to reach out to others for support, that would show weakness, and if you are weak, are you really a good missionary? In the Book of Mormon, the Lord speaking to Moroni in  Ether 12:27 states:

And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.”

 At the time when the stresses and loneliness reached their peak, I realized there was one I could go to for help. Jesus Christ. I prayed earnestly to God more than I ever had before asking for strength, and relief from the stresses of this time. When I was done praying, I felt an overwhelming sense of relief and deliverance. This wasn’t the typical warm and fuzzies you get when you feel good about something someone said in church while giving a talk, this was from the Lord Jesus Christ. It was if he said to me in my mind that he had suffered and died for me, and because of this he is taking this pain from me. Jesus made good on his words:

                “And I say unto you, Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you. For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.” (Luke 11:9-10, KJV)

I felt something in me change that day. I didn’t want to be the missionary that converts people to the church anymore. I wanted to help people be converted to Jesus Christ, to know him, that he is their Savior. This helped me gain a greater appreciation of the culture of those that lived in the Bible Belt, knocking on doors, and just asking people simply “Do you believe in Jesus Christ?”  which led to many pleasant conversations. I received a lot of grief for this approach the remainder of my mission from mission leaders. It wasn’t the method they wanted missionaries to approach people with. The emphasis was on converts to the church, and to share the story that church is the only true church on earth, and that they needed to be baptized into it in order to receive salvation, or to be with their family in the next life. That aspect didn’t ever resonate with me as much at that point.

I eventually completed my two years and found myself at home. Life was different than I remembered, it felt awkward and out of place. I was a different person than the person that left home. I found comfort at that time in God’s directive to me to seek truth, wherever I can find it. Lucky for me, real life gave me opportunities to bury myself in a variety of books, and material that I didn’t have access to on my mission in which we had restrictions as to what was available to us to read.

 I continued to be active in church, and serve in many callings, essentially anything that was asked of me. I continued studying “truth” as much as I could. At times the Church Organization did things which would seem questionable from time to time, I hardly let me bother it most of the time, because I already knew what the source of salvation was, Jesus Christ. The church during those subsequent years after my mission was simply a means to help me be a better person I suppose. The top fifteen leaders of the church were sustained as “prophets, seers, and revelators”, and I didn’t necessarily see tangible prophecies or revelations coming out of Salt Lake City. In general conference during these years, I didn’t hear what I felt like at the time was anything bad, or controversial being spoken in their talks, and I didn’t know these men personally, so I presumed they were good men, doing the best they could. I had a relationship with Jesus Christ, if he needed me to know something, he would tell me, I didn’t have to rely on these men for guidance or salvation.

Eventually the time came where it seemed apparent to me that the Fifteen were exposed as leaders of a worldly organization, not holy prophets called by Jesus Christ. My intent at this time is not to split hairs as to what qualifies a person as a prophet, and not even point out a singular event that exposed the Fifteen. It was an awakening for me, that these men were more afraid how the world perceived them, and took counsel most of the time from their attorneys, rather than seeking God’s will.

This turning point brought me back to God’s directive he gave me so many years ago to continually seek Truth and go wherever it may lead me. It wasn’t keeping me an active participant in the LDS church anymore. The more I sought truth in the scriptures and asked God about it, the more I saw that truth was incongruent with the church. This was a very humbling experience, to have to admit I was wrong about what I believed at times in the past. The search for Truth cannot be accomplished with pride in your heart – that a particular thing you believe in is the absolute truth, and everyone else is wrong. You’re going to need a sincere and humble heart to accept Jesus Christ, and be willing to be taught by him. He said:

“I will give unto the children of men line upon line, precept upon precept, here a little and there a little; and blessed are those who hearken unto my precepts, and lend an ear unto my counsel, for they shall learn wisdom; for unto him that receiveth I will give more; and from them that shall say, We have enough, from them shall be taken away even that which they have. Cursed is he that putteth his trust in man, or maketh flesh his arm, or shall hearken unto the precepts of men, save their precepts shall be given by the power of the Holy Ghost. ”  (2 Nephi 28:30-31)

The men leading the LDS church would tell you in a way that certainly doesn’t seem nefarious, that there is a certain checklist or recipe you need to follow to gain salvation. They’ll even throw in a pinch of Jesus Christ here and there, to help it be palatable. Among the ingredients of the recipe are baptism, membership in the LDS church, attending church, paying tithing to the church, doing ordinances in the temple, sustaining the church leaders, not drinking coffee, accepting and fulfilling church callings, wearing garments, to name several. The average active LDS individual may seem appalled as what they see as my use of rhetoric here, but am I wrong?  In the LDS church, if you are not compliant to any of the items forementioned, you are not granted a temple recommend, and therefore cannot attend to temple to receive ordinances necessary for salvation according to LDS Church Theology. Am being unreasonable here? If you cease to wear your garments, is Jesus Christ, a deity, who suffered and died for you and your sins unable to save you? If you drink water that has passed  through ground up roasted seeds of a tropical shrub, brewed into a dark elixir known as coffee, does Jesus Christ really say to us: “Sorry, nothing I can do for you here.” If I fail to sit in a church pew on a weekly basis because I’d rather worship the way I see most impactful to my relationship with Jesus Christ, am I doomed?  At this point you may think, I just have an ax to grind, and it’s not worth discussing these mundane actions in relation to salvation, but I must mention, Dallin H. Oaks, 2nd in line in authority in the LDS church and likely the next president of the church certainly thinks this is worth discussing in relation to our salvation and being in the good graces of God. He said:

“Members who forgo Church attendance and rely only on individual spirituality separate themselves from these gospel essentials: the power and blessings of the priesthood, the fulness of restored doctrine, and the motivations and opportunities to apply that doctrine. They forfeit their opportunity to qualify to perpetuate their family for eternity.”  (Dallin H. Oaks, The Need for a Church, October 2021 General Conference)

I was listening to this talk live at the time, and I was astonished. Did he really say if I do not attend church, I cannot be with my family in the next life? My glutes sitting on a hard metal folding chair in a gym overflow attached to a chapel has more power in regards to my salvation than me prayerfully worshiping in my own home on a Sunday? Jesus cannot make up the difference for my absent glutes? Tell me Brother Oaks isn’t using his own form of rhetoric in persuading people to attend church on Sunday.

 Let’s go back to more important topic at hand, Truth and Conversion. This particular post has included a lot of my own personal experience. Conversion is a personal experience. It’s personal between you and Jesus Christ. The premise of this blog, if I can have you take anything away is that Jesus Christ is your savior, your conversion to him, and seeking his truths brings about your salvation. If you don’t agree with anything else I have to say, my hope is you can agree with this, and see that this is my intent.

 The items I mentioned before in which I stated the LDS church teaches are necessary for your salvation, are the inspiration for the title of this blog. Let me explain. Over the years as the church has had to recognize, explain and be apologetic about certain doctrines previously preached and practiced, they have had to spin certain doctrines in a way that seem less harmful. One example is the church doctrine of Polygamy. Over the years the church has tried to soften what it really is by calling it  “Celestial Plural Marriage”, or “Plural Marriage”, in order to say it was different from the “polygamy” that Joseph Smith condemned. Brigham Young and his contemporaries in Utah preached that it was a necessary practice for salvation and called it the doctrine of “Plurality of Wives”. On one occasion, he stated:

“Now if any of you will deny the plurality of wives, and continue to do so, I promise that you will be damned; and I will go still further and say, take this revelation, or any other revelation that the Lord has given, and deny it in your feelings, and I promise that you will be damned.” (Brigham Young, Journal of Discourses 3:39)

 Thus, the inspiration for the title of this blog, that in essence all these extra doctrines being preached by the church as a way to salvation really are just a “Plurality of Doctrines”.  As I will touch on in future posts there is only one Doctrine of Salvation that Jesus Christ preaches. Remember Jesus said:

“Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me. In my Father’s house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also. And whither I go ye know, and the way ye know. Thomas saith unto him, Lord, we know not whither thou goest; and how can we know the way? Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.”  (John 14:1-6, KJV)

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